Chapter One
“Gloria, don’t make it obvious there’s a very fine-looking brother staring at you”
At Olaitan’s words, Gloria turned her head exactly as she had been told not to. She caught herself right in time and turned to meet the exasperated gaze of her best friend. This stunning woman with the most soulful voice she’s ever heard has always been her ride from day one since they met in college. If this service were like others, Gloria would have been in the children’s church —where she taught, instead of the main church with her best friend. The service today had been an end-of-year service for the church and she had been called on to usher.
The Open Heaven Church’s end-of-year service was held on the second week of November each year. It was the only time in the year that all branches of the church got together in the headquarters to worship for a week. People travel from all around to attend this service and it was no surprise to her they did because the miracles that took place during this service were mind-blowing.
Gloria loved the end-of-year service. It had been the highlight of the year for her as a child. There was something different about it. The people were different, the worship was different. Even the sermons were more magnified. It had been one of the things she missed when she began teaching in the children’s church – she hadn’t begrudged the little ones for she loved them far too much to.
She had been shocked when the bishop during the workers’ meeting had personally requested that she serve in the main church on Sunday and not at the children’s Church. Her mother had been so elated when she got the news – that one would think Gloria had secured a place in heaven. The reason for the excitement she had later realised thanks to Olaitan had been because her mother saw it as a way of the bishop showing her off as his daughter-in-law to be the church. Gloria didn’t like the idea of her kids having to be without her on a Sunday but she knew it would be futile to refuse not if she didn’t want her mother unleashing fire and brimstone on her. So here she was and despite her reluctance at first, she was glad she to be here.
“You know if I got a Naira for every time said I don’t look that you actually did, I’d be a very rich woman by now” Gloria rolled her eyes at the tease for everyone knew Olaitan was from money and had also fallen in love and married the very wealthy Oil Baron, Tunde Bakare. Money was not her problem. “Now you can look” Olaitan whispered. “But pretend to look around the church before you fix your gaze on the first row upstairs, to the left”
“I’m too tired for all this babe. Let’s just go please”
Olaitan glared at her and said through gritted teeth “You will look at that fine cup of chocolate or else we die here” She smiled sweetly as a church member walked by.
Gloria would have informed her if she thought it would make any difference that church girls didn’t call men fine cups of anything nor do they speak about death lightly. But she knew Olaitan and knew it wouldn’t so she decided to peer around the room. Not because she was curious to see who the man was — for she was already in a relationship with Timothy— the Bishop’s second son, but because she wanted to appease her friend.
She studied the church. It was beautifully decorated with ribbons and flowers in blue and white colour. And enormous enough to host five thousand people. Panelled in cream with white mouldings and embellishment, the room shone under the bright ministration of the ceiling lights and LED lights situated at various positions. The room remained cool despite the multiple lights, a testament to the work of the Acs.
The members looked ready to throw Mr Obafemi off the stage as he gave the announcement in a snail-like manner. She smiled, shaking her head. Mr Obafemi had been handling the announcement for the longest since she was a little girl and was too proud to admit — to any or himself, that maybe it was time to pass the baton to someone younger and less blind. She remembered the day the Bishop had suggested he took a little break during the workers meeting. The poor man had almost broken down in tears and the Bishop had quickly taken back the suggestion. Since that day nobody had ever made mention of the matter again.
Her gaze fell on Timothy as he sat in the front row on the right wing where family members of the Bishop sat. Timothy didn’t look a day past twenty-eight despite being thirty-five. She knew he let his beards grow because he would have looked way too young without them. As though he felt her eyes on him, he looked in her direction. She felt something akin to sorrow as he smiled at her briefly. Returning his focus to Mr.Obafemi who by now was bending to pick up the announcement booklet from the floor of the pulpit.
Timothy was so kind and understanding to her that it made her feel so horrible that she hesitated when it came to loving him. She remembered how much it had hurt her when Olaitan had made a joke about Timothy loving her while she only tolerated him. Oh, Timothy loved her and she knew it because he showed it, with his actions, his sweet messages and his prayers every morning that helped kickstart her day. How he listened to her complain about the antics of her mom or colleagues without even as much as a complaint or judgment. In the past three months since she had agreed to a courtship, she knew beyond a doubt that if there was anyone worth loving it was this man. It hurt her that she was the problem. That she had broken her vows to her faith and had gotten herself this traumatized.
She fixed her eyes on the large crucifix and then said a silent prayer for the grace to be freed from her demons. Her gaze flickered to rest on her parents, Mr and Mrs Adegoke, her mother was grinning at something her friend Mrs.Chidi had just whispered to her. Her father looked at them and shook his head, he was used to the mischief of the women when they were together. She didn’t see Mr.Chidi but she saw their teenage son Ebube who was typing away on his phone. The boy always made her smile with his insistence on being a man at the age of fifteen. If only he knew grown men didn’t obsess over their phones in the presence of the Lord.
And Finally, Gloria allowed her gaze to wander upstairs to the first row. Ah, that was Mr.Chidi.He must have been running late and must have been jilted by his wife who always wanted to be seated by her partner in crime. And at the left just as Olaitan had described—
Gloria froze, suddenly unsure if she was seeing things, or imagining him.
Her gaze snapped back to Olaitan. She nodded with a wink. “I told you he was watching you. Has been watching you for a long time. I caught him while I was singing with the choir”
Gloria lifted her hand to steady the pounding of her heart but stopped not wanting to attract attention or questions from Olaitan “Indeed was he?” She managed to sound uninterested, though her voice shook a little.
Olaitan was not fooled. Annoying to have someone who knew you so well that they could know what you’d rather they didn’t. “What is the matter, Babe? Are you okay?” She frowned in concern.
“No. I—” Developing a will of its own her gaze defied her wishes and returned to the man sitting on the left wing of the front row upstairs. He was still watching her, his lips curled in a sad smile that made her heart thud.
Ahmed.
Could it really be him? Impossible! Yes, he looked like the Ahmed she knew from five years ago but he— Ahmed who she had known was a Muslim — a zealot at that, despite his pretended nonchalance, could not possibly be dressed in a burnt orange Senator attire and sitting in a church of all places.
Except…if it were a look alike but why then was he staring at her?
She had tried not to think of him for the past five years and had hated herself every time her mind wandered to him. She recalled him as a lanky young man of twenty-five then, wild and with a sense of confidence —as though he owned the whole world but now he was all male. She had thought him annoyingly handsome with his dread and jeans then. But the individual man before her very eyes was smoking hot as Olaitan would say. Even across the room, she could still see his chest, wide and proudly filing the senator attire. He had his hair cut very low cut with a goatee that accentuated the fullness of his arrogant lips. When his gaze touched hers Gloria felt an infusion of many confusing emotions she couldn’t explain — some she didn’t want to explain. The most pressing of them was the need to escape.
Gloria turned to Olaitan.”I needed to step out for a bit.”
Chapter Two
The moment Gloria got to the little garden of the church she slumped on the first chair she found. She was glad she’d been able to make her escape without Olaitan offering to come along. She needed time alone to process this. She too in short breaths to calm herself down. It had to be her mind playing tricks on her because What would Ahmed possibly be doing here? He wouldn’t dare show up himself before her after —
“Ria”
Gloria froze as her breath deserted her. Slowly she opened her eyes knowing who she’d see. That voice was all the confirmation she needed. She knew that voice. Would recognise that dark exotic northern accent anywhere. Even years later that voice still sparked up a pain within her and memories she wanted gone. As their gaze met she felt all the rage, as she was momentarily pushed back in time. She at twenty-three stupidly allowed herself to get tempted into tasting the wild side. Ahmed’s mom told her — with the grace of an ice queen, that the only way her son would ever marry as one of his wives was if she converted. And when they got married she had better be prepared to accept his betroth as her Co-wife. The blackness that had ensued shortly after, the smell of blood, drugs and antiseptic as the doctor told her her child hadn’t made it. She remembered the pain — never forgot it. It had felt like someone had repeatedly taken stabs at her heart.
She gazed at him with all the pain, anger and hate she felt and was glad when he swallowed uncomfortably, momentarily looking away. Uncomfortable was good because she wanted him uncomfortable, not looking so collected and blessed with age. He looked so different from who he was five years ago. It irked her that age however did a fantastic job on him at thirty. He still had the tattoo on his neck but the piercing holes were voids of the rings. He seemed taller than she remembered, towering over her like an electric pole. The wild young man has matured to be very refined and elegant. Karma was a scam, she thought bitterly.
“What are you doing here” Gloria asked crisply in a way that would have sent her friend hooting in happiness. “You have no business being here. Last time I checked you said you’ll never be caught dead in one of these” She arched her fingers in a quote.
He smiled sadly and looked ashamed. “How are you doing Ria”
“Don’t —” She began to tell him never to call her by that name but stopped. Raising from the wooden garden seat she looked up at him. She made a mental note to thank her mom and Olaitan for convincing her to slay in her dress today — For it gave her the grace needed. “So… let me get this right. You show up casually after I left you a note that explicitly said I never wanted to see you ever in this life. To ask “How I am doing?” She had wanted to leave with a word to him but didn’t want to stand the risk of him showing up at her parents. Exposing the sins of her NYSC days.
“I just had to see you,” He said desperately, taking her hand.
Gloria snatched back her hands and glowered at him. “Don’t you ever touch me?” Every word was emphasized. “You came to find out how I’m right. Well I’m blessed, couldn’t be better” She smiled thinly “Now go back to wherever you crawled out from and permanently remain there” She rounded him and began to leave but stopped in her tracks when he said —
“Everything my mother said to you was a lie. I never planned to use our child to blackmail you into converting to Islam or make you one of many wives”
Gloria turned sharply to face him with a hot retort but word evaded her when they were face to face again. Gone was the calm and collected man from moments ago. Before her now was a man whose eyes mirrored a torment she’d seen in herself one too many times. Good Lord, what was he saying?
“Please Ria Just hear me out. I just need a few minutes” He begged desperately.
She moved to sit on the garden’s wooden chair because instinctively she felt she’d need a seat to hear what he had to say. Gloria resisted the urge to shrink away as he sat beside her. Her eyes opened in surprise as the familiar fragrance of the mint and lavender cologne she got him on his birthday all those years teased her nostrils.
“I wanted to stay away. Allah knows I stayed away not because I wanted to but because I wanted to respect your wish” Her heart raced alarmingly at the tremor in his voice.
“If you did you wouldn’t be here” She was unable to keep the bitterness from her voice as he spoke.
Her breath seized as she looked into his dark eyes. The intensity in them made her quiver. Her hand curled tightly on her phone. “I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t stay away for a second without letting you know that my love for you was never in doubt. That I would trade anything before I’d let anyone force you to let go of the God you love so much or make you bear the pain of a polygamous marriage”
Gloria’s mind whirls. She couldn’t be hearing him right “But your mother said you—” Her voice quivered as the tears slipped from her eyes. His mother couldn’t be so cruel.
“My mother lied” A blurry image of him appeared before her tears-filled vision. He took out a handkerchief. Dabbing at the tears. “ She had confessed the things she said to you just a few days ago. I guess she couldn’t bear the guilt any more” She heard the edge in his voice.
New batches of tears began to form in her eyes “Why would she be so cruel to me? Her cruelty cost me my child” Gloria wept bitterly, for her child would have been here today. For the pain, hate and shame she’d held onto all this year. For this man whom she had blamed. For what could have become of them if their child had lived.
Chapter Three
Gloria didn’t know what to feel now. She had felt justified hating him all these years but now that she knows the truth she felt empty, raw and lost — like an empty jar.
“I had thought you resented me because I wasn’t there when you were rushed to the hospital and when the doctor told you of the” Ahmed broke up and frowned. She squeezed his hand. Offering him comfort. He’d also lost a child. The years must have been as difficult for him as it had been for her.
Her hands felt small and weightless in his much larger one.“I don’t anymore” She whispered.
He looked lost.“Honestly, I blamed myself too that was why I let you be. I should have been there to hold your hand and be there when you woke up. I am so sorry Ria?” He said brokenly.
“There’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t know. How child would want us to forgive ourselves” She should have confronted him back then rather than swallow the words of his mother — hook line and sinker.
He sighed.“Thank you” The look in his eyes told her how much her words meant to him. They sat there lost in each other’s gaze for a while.
Gloria’s phone beeped forcing her to break the contact. It was a message from Olaitan “Babe Come in Now!” It read. She had forgotten where she was. Forgotten —
Timothy!
“I have to go back in now” Gloria rose abruptly and began leaving. She was only a few feet from him when he held her hand.
“Wait”
She withdrew her hands consciously now remembering she was in a relationship with Timothy. She shouldn’t be out in the church garden gazing into the eyes of another man or holding hands. Gloria noticed the hurt expression in his eyes as though he sensed her withdrawal.
A moment of awkward silence ensued before he said “Can I call you?” She saw the apprehension in his eyes as though he feared she’d say No.
“Do you have my number?” She noticed he didn’t ask for her number but rather asked if he could call her.
Her heart skipped as she saw a peek of that wild youthful man he once was as he scratched his head. His lips curled in a guilty smile “I had you investigated some years back when I didn’t catch even a spec of you from the various church programs I watched. So yes I do have your number”
“You can call me” She winced at the breathless quality of her voice.
With a nod, Gloria walked away. Hoping he didn’t see her legs wobble as she walked.
***
Gloria had taken a quick stop to the ladies to put herself together before going back into the church.
The moment she got into the church the beloved fragrance of her favorite white roses welcomed her. As She crossed the room to where she’d been stationed to usher she noticed she seemed to be calling attention to herself. At first, she thought she was in her mind but then some people began pointing at her and whispering.
Her heart sank and she wondered if somehow word of her little meeting with Ahmed had gotten to their notice or maybe there was something wrong with her attire —
“Auntie”
She turned at the tiny voice of a child. It was Dami, one of her kids from the children’s Church and he handed over a white rose to her and then ran away. She shook her head thinking it was the cute antics of kids but as she moved on more of her kids came from different intersections. Each handed her a white rose until she was holding a bouquet.
Then all at once, she saw the members clapping and cheering. As she looked forward on the altar where Mr Obafemi had been struggling with the announcement, her hands lifted to her lips —
There stood Timothy with a little white box, smiling at her in that way she found warming.
Gloria didn’t know she had been standing there staring until her friend rushed to her side. “To the stage Ma’am. Prince Charming is about to pop the question.” She grabbed her by the elbow and whispered“I’m sorry I couldn’t spill else your mom would have had me beheaded and roasting in hell”
Then everything began to add up. The Bishop’s sudden request, her mother’s joy and her cooperation with Olaitan to have her dressed by a stylist. She held Olaitan tightly, grateful for her support as she took the stairs. Because her legs suddenly felt like wax under pressure.
The moment she was close enough Timothy got on one knee and open-ended the box and just as she had suspected it was a ring. A beautiful silver rose cut ring. She didn’t know when the tears began forming.
Was there some sort of Holy Conspiracy against her today?
Gloria saw the love and excitement in Timothy’s eyes as he knelt before her. This man whom she wanted to love. This man who represented everything that her family and religion approved of. This man who gave her such ease. With him, she knew she’d never have to leave in fear.
Casually she let her eyes move up to the first row. There by the left wing stood Ahmed. His expression was steely as though he was prepping for the worst. This man who had been the first to awaken feelings in her, she’d never felt before? This man who came with a religious baggage she’d been warned against. Baggage that had burnt her five years ago. This man who broke the status quo to watch a church program for her, even attended a church program because he knew this was her first love.
Her gaze flickered off to the crucifix.
